Posts Tagged ‘guilt’
Saving face
Posted on: 26/01/2011
There’s something in us – well, me at least – that harbours a strong, almost animal instinct to preserve our pride. I read a book about it once; a Michael Crichton novel about Japanese corporate types who go to extreme lengths to save face.
In my teenage days, I was too scared to admit I was wrong to my peers. I was too much of a coward to say sorry even when I knew I should. One time, it was hours and hours before I could work up the courage to apologise.
For accidentally stepping on a tube of moisturiser.
Well, quite. But, having not had the instinct to apologise in the first place, my pride prevented me from apologising – particularly when the other girls in the room started telling me to. I eventually got out a muttered apology, but not before drowning in a heap of verbal abuse, and quite right too.
I suppose the adult equivalent, if there’s any real difference, is where you know you’ve made a mistake. You feel backed into a corner, and you instinctively lash out rather than let your pride take a knock. Somehow we feel we have to be aggressive instead of passive, and defensive rather than embracing. This can have very unpleasant consequences if we refuse to back down in this grown-up world. I was reminded of this today.
But that moisturiser incident stuck with me. I realised I couldn’t go through life denying responsibility for my mistakes, and still like myself.
It took a long time to try and reverse the instinct, and I know I’m still not perfect, but these days I’m much better at apologising.
And you know what? I sleep much better at night.
Amazing what a tube of moisturiser can do.
These days the moisturiser is smaller (and nicer)
You’ve heard of the tooth fairy?
Posted on: 11/01/2011
Well, let me introduce you to the guilt fairy.
She pops into existence the moment you conceive your first child. And she never goes away again until you die.
She sits on your shoulder. She watches everything that you do, every decision you make about your child, and makes you feel guilt for doing something wrong.
Even if you didn’t do anything wrong, she still makes you feel guilty somehow. This is her special power.
Nobody tells you about this before you have children.
But I’ll let you in on a secret. If you want her to go away, just drink vast amounts of alcohol. You’ll be guilt-free for an entire night.
But she’ll be back with a vengeance in the morning…
I prefer the tooth fairy myself.
Next time – the House Fairy!
The Great Nappy Debate
Posted on: 10/01/2011
Ask any vaguely environmentally conscious mother about nappies and she’ll either launch into a tirade about how horrendous disposable nappies are and how wonderful cloth nappies are…
Or she’ll go quiet and quickly change the subject.
You see, we pretty much all know that disposable nappies are probably the most environmentally unfriendly things out there. Well, with the possible exception of concrete. Anyway, what nobody seems to talk about is the FEAR.
Disposables. Both the semi-friendly and unfriendly varieties.
Every mum will tell you how hard it is to even think straight after having just had a baby. New mums tend to go for disposables because that’s what they know, and it’s there. In the supermarket. Mums of more than one tend to do whatever they did before to save complicating things unnecessarily. And everyone knows disposables. Everyone can use one without needing to be told how to do it.
Though incidentally, there’s an ancient episode of 90210 where the humour hinges on Jason Priestley’s inability to change a disposable nappy. Sorry, it’s been etched on my brain since 1992.
People don’t KNOW about cloth nappies. They have no experience of it unless they have either sought out information on them or have a friend who’s taken the plunge. So they are ignorant. And, as many wise people have said many times, ignorance leads to fear. And in my own experience, fear leads to procrastination at best, and avoidance at worst.
Not to mention the counter-argument that washing cloth nappies actually leaves just as much of a carbon footprint as disposable nappies. (I don’t know who put that argument forward, but I bet the big nappy companies are particularly pleased.)
I do think, though, that there are loads of interesting pockets of information about this subject that people don’t realise. Let me tell you about two of them.
Firstly, the argument about the carbon footprint being roughly the same? Only true if you wash your nappies at home, at 90 degrees (celsius), and tumble dry them. If you wash them at 60 degrees, and/or you hang them on the line to dry, all of a sudden cloth nappies are edging ahead. If you use a nappy laundry service, even better, though the fuel the delivery van uses doesn’t make this an obvious option.
Secondly, let’s stuff the environment for a moment and think selfishly instead. What people don’t realise is how much money can be saved by using cloth nappies. Apart from the early days when you can get through up to a dozen nappies in a twenty-four hour period, you generally get through one small pack of nappies a week. Which can be around £4.00 for a supermarket own brand and £6.00 for a premium brand. Assuming you are unlikely to potty train before the age of two, you will spend a minimum of £416 on disposable nappies for that baby, and the £600 threshold is easily reached.
Now, ultimately all you need for cloth nappies are some terry squares, some wraps, some liners, some boosters, a bucket to put them in and nappy nippas if safety pins scare you as much as they do me. If you shop around you can get these for around £60 all in (yes, new ones). The cost of washing these nappies (ideally once every two to three days for a full load) at about 60p per wash including powder, over the same two years, costs around £175, making it cost around £235 in total.
So the minimum saving is£176, probably more. And if you’ve just dropped from two salaries to one, that’s a lot. Especially if you have more than one child and don’t have the outlay of more nappies.
The surprisingly cheap ingredients for a cloth nappy
Realistically though, cloth nappies can be a real drag if you’re out and about. My nappy bag is quite full enough without trying to squeeze in space for cloth nappies, though I know some impressive mums who do manage this.
So I compromise. If I’m at home, we use cloth. If I’m out for the day, we don’t. If I’m shopping at the right supermarket I choose the eco brand. If I’m not, I don’t beat myself up about it.
And I’ll let you in on a secret.
I, too, had the FEAR.
It took me three months to psych myself into using cloth nappies at all.
And I know all this stuff already and have no excuse.
Yes it’s easy.
No, it’s not quite as easy as disposables.
And I’m not going to jump down anyone’s throat if they don’t do cloth. It’s quite hard enough being a mum already without the guilt fairy pouncing on you about this.
Next post – more on the guilt fairy….watch this space.
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