braindribbles

Posts Tagged ‘life

Was it really my very last post that I promised to blog regularly enough for you to read some wittiness every Monday? Was it really in January that I said that? I also promised it would mostly be rhyme. Well, nothing rhymes very well with itself…but I can’t imagine anyone would be convinced by that poor excuse.

So, if you still believe anything I say, read on and I will catch you up.

I have managed to spend the last few months looking outwardly cheerful. Coping with the new situation…move, schools, completing my diploma. Outwardly…all seems fine. We are managing.

Loved one and I know, though, that the underlying reality, whilst nothing particularly terrible is happening, is that I have been pretty depressed throughout.

There is nothing in particular to put my finger on. Everything is kind of OK – children are still as adorable as ever; loved one has had the work piled high but has somehow managed to remain as doting as ever; school problems are a logistical nightmare but an amazing neighbour has helped immensely to make sure nobody is sat outside the school office for half an hour every afternoon waiting for me to get there; we fixed a whole heap of problems with the new house and we are planning our 10th anniversary holiday quite soon.

In a way, it’s really helped me to understand how inexplicable it can be. Going from being OK to being far from OK with no good reason. None at all that I can think of. It just goes to show that it can be a hair-trigger that takes you from one state to the next. You think you’re having a bad week, and that it will be fine again once you catch up on sleep, or get a bit of fresh air. Those things help and stop things from being utterly unbearable, but the bad week turns into a bad month, turns into a bad winter, and so on.

That’s kind of why I didn’t blog for a while. I couldn’t sum up the cheerfulness; it was all used up on the kids and the smiles I was thankfully still able to give to neighbours and passers-by. Even now I feel a bit mean inflicting a non-cheerful post on you all.

But then I realised that if I couldn’t at least try to articulate how I felt in my blog, my pouring out of little secrets about myself, my ‘dear diary’ place to go whenever I needed to think something through, then that would be worse. After all, if it’s the kind of thing you don’t like to read, you can quietly close the page and I won’t know any different.

So, this time, I am not going to make any promises. Furthermore, I am officially taking back any promises I made from regularity to poetry. When I can, I will do those things. I still like blogging. I still love writing in rhyme. I still like to be cheerful! I just need to know in my own mind that I can use the blog as therapy from time to time. And I know you will understand.

I also have a few positive things to mention.

Firstly, I feel like the trough of depression is now behind me. I am still climbing up the steep hill to fully fledged happiness, but the moments of misery are considerably less frequent.

Secondly, I am getting fitter! Walking 6 to 8 miles a day twice a week (yes, the outcome of our school shenanigans) is great.

Thirdly, in spite of the new house throwing up a fair number of urgent problems, we love it, and even more we love our new neighbours who couldn’t be more adorable if they tried. I know every single person in our road and met them all within a month of moving in.

Fourthly, I have joined a choir at last and sing every Friday evening.

Fifthly, I have submitted my diploma portfolio! Five years of study is coming to a close and once it comes back from its final marking, I shall be a fully fledged antenatal teacher. I can’t wait.

Sixthly, the kids are thriving in their new schools and have had glowing feedback from their class teachers.

And finally, loved one and I have just celebrated our tenth anniversary. I love him so, so much. Even more than ever for helping me through this tough time. In the words from the excellent Moulin Rouge (let’s hope I misquote correctly), the greatest thing I’ve ever learned is to love and be loved in return.

Thanks for bearing with me folks. The razzmatazz will return before too long!

Once again my life is gathering pace, hurtling towards our move deadline at increasing speed.

I’m quite pleased that I’ve blogged every weekday for some time now…but it’s now got to the point where I can’t sustain it and meet the other demands on my time, so I will save it till things have calmed down a little.

You might get the odd post once in a while, especially if the events of the coming weeks are too interesting to keep to myself, but I doubt I will be regular again till early to mid October.

Thanks for being such great readers!  I’ll be back before you know it ☺

For those of you who haven’t come across Doodlemum, well, let me introduce you to some of the best (and funniest) pen-and-ink sketches capturing those essential moments of family life.  I am amazed at her talent, and amused at how, in our little homes hundreds of miles apart, the same things seem to happen.

This one I particularly liked…Enjoy!

Changing your child's nappy in public. Title says it all really, one big battle waged at four feet off the ground with poo thrown in for good measure. Joyo. … Read More

via Doodlemum

Today, for the third time since we got here, we went to the beach.

chrisroll / FreeDigitalPhotos.netSmallest one got her first taste of sand. Quite literally.  She also got a foot caught by a freak wave, which was a little upsetting for all of three seconds, but then found some shells and a wet foot didn’t seem to matter.

I gather in the UK it’s summer already.  Here, on the other hand, it’s a little cloudy, and in spite of a hot sun when it appears, temperatures tend not to go above 20 degrees Celsius (I believe that’s just under 70 in Fahrenheit). Nevertheless, it feels lovely here.  The sea was warm, would you believe (I found out by accident when a wave crept up and washed over my ankles when I still had my shoes on).

Middle and eldest ones immediately got stuck into sandcastle building.  Sandals flung aside, spades digging furiously, the noisy sea battering our eardrums.

A perfect day, near enough.

Every so often, since my wedding day, I’ve taken the opportunity to stop and absorb moments like these.  Without them, my poor little brain has no hope of recalling such perfect moments in time.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m a firm believer of living in the present.  I’m lucky; with three kids I get special moments all the time. On the downside, I’m often so busy looking after them that I don’t take the time to let the wondrousness sink in.

Now that I’m a bit more relaxed out here, though, I’m getting more and more opportunities to soak it all up.  Middle child is being especially adorable at the moment.  Smallest one just learned how to say ‘raahh’ with a tiger swipe. Eldest child seems to have captured the essence of being sardonic to a tee.

Just wonderful.

Nap time

Posted on: 25/03/2011

Dynamite Imagery / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Every day, smallest one tends to drift off to sleep for a good hour.   As any parent will be able to tell you, this hour is golden.   It is a time to do whatever you need to do that either requires a sufficient amount of concentration that you can’t be disturbed by your baby, or simply too dangerous.

Also, sometimes it is a chance to catch up on sleep too.  When I felt rubbish yesterday – that whole lack of sleep thing was turning me more into Mr Hyde than Dr Jekyll – I had a half-hour kip.  I woke up feeling like I could cope again.  And indeed I did.  It was also our wedding anniversary, so it was kind of important that I didn’t feel like death warmed up.

This morning I got seventeen shirts ironed.

Earlier in the week, I got some studying done.

The tricky part is choosing what is most important on any particular day.   After all, you only get an hour to do what you need to do.  So I still have a heap of ironing left to do, not to mention trying to finish an assignment.

But at least this is the time when I actually get that hour.  Toddlers drop their naps far too soon for my liking, so I must make the most of it.

In my office days I used to get an hour to do my own thing…the lunch hour.  I used to use this time to pay bills, get some exercise, have some me-time, see a friend, go shopping, and so on.

Though the content of the hour is different, since I have different needs and still have to be in the general vicinity of smallest one, I tend to treat nap time with the same approach.  A mixture of me-time and stuff I need to do.  Depending on what seems to be the most important first.

After all, we do need to take care of ourselves if we’re going to take care of everyone else.   Some people use their time to do craft stuff… See I ♥ naptime, for example, where one mum uses the time to do craft stuff.

This poll on Mothering dot community seems to echo the mix of stuff I do during naptime.   Housework, nap, TV etc… it’s clearly fairly normal.

Though I have to admit to using the internet during smallest one’s waking hours.  One hour would never be enough, especially when you take the blogging into account.

Bad mummy.

razvan ionut / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Whenever I remember, I love to light candles.  Lots of them.  In the daytime to get nice scents, and in the night-time to get that lovely ambience.

I am particularly fond of those wax tablets you stick in a special pot above a tea light, slowly melting to give a luscious smell, yet having no wick can be re-used ad infinitum.

Every time I go to a garden centre (why garden centres, by the way? they’d gutter in the wind if you actually used them in a garden), I cannot pass the candle display without stopping and cooing for a while.   (This pleases the kids no end, as for a few moments they can play without fear of reprimand; it would appear that garden centres make for excellent hide-and-seek, as well as an excellent stock of candles.)

Of course, having admired the candles for several minutes I then have to buy several.

I then get my purchases home and pop them in my special candle drawer ready for when the current candles are all used up, when I realise the drawer is kind of full.

It would appear the number of times I purchase candles exceeds the number of times I remember to use them.

Is this what they call ‘selective memory’?   Conveniently forgetting I have a large quantity at home, because I am so keen to buy more?

Or is it just a mild overdose of retail therapy?  If so, I guess it’s better than clothes shopping.

After all, when has a candle ever been the wrong fit?

I’ve just come off a phone call to my tutor.  We have agreed that the essay giving me so much grief would be best left on the back burner for a while.

I like it when my tutor agrees with me.  This essay has been doing my head in.  I can’t find enough relevant information to answer the questions I want to answer.  So I’m a bit fed up with clunking my head against a brick wall.  So it’s going on the back burner, and just as well.

graur codrin / freedigitalphotos.net

Somehow nothing gets burned on the back one.

This back burner of mine is incredibly versatile.  In spite of being only one imaginary thing, it can happily store all my half-finished projects and plans until I feel ready to deal with them once more.  Currently I have three potential houses, one weight loss plan, about one thousand un-sorted photos, two un-organised bookshelves and an eye laser treatment on there – enough to keep me going for a while, though I bet I’ll add more before I remove anything.

And now I have an essay sitting there too.

What do you have on your back burner?